Emotional Math

You have a dog's sense for anger.

Someone comes into the kitchen, and you can feel it without a word. It could be your spouse or your kid. It's not a self-contained mood. It feels like an energy coming at you.

We do math. Sometimes we try to outweigh the negative energy by adding enough positive. "Hey look over here! Good stuff!" It doesn't always work. Sometimes it's met with even more intensity. And then we feel rejected. Other times we try responding with negative. "Why are you so grouchy all the time?" you might ask. It seems to make sense because a negative times a negative is a positive, right? Not here.

Or, you comment on the person's TONE. Ugh. Tone talk rarely ends well.

That doesn't mean you can never lighten a mood or cheer someone up. I'm talking about when the negative energy is so intense that trying to change it pulls you in. So, don't focus on trying to change it. The goal is not to multiply it.

Keep your 3.

If they're coming in hot - a 7 or an 8 - you stay at 3. Do not match the 8.

Don't multiply it with your body.

And don't multiply it with your mind. You know the thoughts that expand negative energy… They hate me. They're always in a bad mood. Why can't they just smile once in a while? What is wrong with them? God, I can't live like this.

If you do this, when they leave the kitchen, guess what? It's on you now.

Don't multiply it. Keep your 3! You can notice the anger. Wow, there's a lot of negative energy swirling. That's just noticing. Notice it from a distance.

You can't control what emotional energy someone brings into the room. Focus on you, not their energy. It doesn't mean you like it, but it doesn't have to take you down. And when you've kept your 3, you have more access to empathy and other good stuff.

Then, when you can, introduce something else to the state of the room or just to yourself. Go outside. Put on music. Make some food. Take the dog out. Hug the dog. Separate people for a while. Change rooms. Get moving. Whatever it is.

Don't multiply.